My Reading at Nan's Funeral When I first heard the sad sad news of Nan’s death I cried and ached and saw her girlish smile in my minds eye... and whilst mourning our loss through my tears it was pointed out that the grieving was for our loss, not for hers. After all, it’s us out here in the land of the living, and Nan who is gone... she's past hearing how much we loved her, and we assume she liked to hear those words... past appreciating our visits, and we assume she didn't just fancy a bit of peace and quiet... past seeing our photos which we assumed she liked... maybe she was ready to go and we assumed she wanted to stay... But then I thought why shouldn’t we indulge our grief, why shouldn’t we re-live those laughs, why shouldn’t we share those special experiences and cherish those unique moments, the memories that we have...  After all, our Edie loved the odd indulgence here and there... And I’m sure we can indulge ourselves in thinking that Nan loved all those things... So today, this sombre funeral, feels so different from our pastel memories, like the “responsible adult” ceremony...  Here we all are, quiet and thoughtful, sombre and correctly grieving, immediate family standing respectfully apart, doing all the right thing. And with the added strain of Covid-19, it's real grownup stuff,  is this really the time to talk about driving through Aldershot with Nan directing me the wrong way up a one-way street - well I always walk this way, she said... Or how in her younger days she was famed for having the best Atistotle, Aristotle - bottle, bottle and glass... even without the accent you just can't beat a good bit of Cockney rhyming slang... Or even the right time to talk about our last drink together the Sunday before she died, a sneaky Bailey's in the care home - and nobody was going to tell me that a 97 year old lady could not have a drink if she wanted one...  But I won't go into detail... Because we all know that what Nan/Edie really wanted is the “noisy teenager” ceremony, the one that will hopefully happen later this year, where we will gather all those who could not make today, those further family and friends who all loved her just as much as we do.   We'll have a proper "knees up" when we will laugh and share those memories, mingle and catch up and indulge our grief in a very different way.   Definitely her way, and that is how she will always be with us... However we grieve, I'm sure we will always remember a very remarkable and very special lady, such a positive outlook on life, such an inspiration for us generations to follow, she has lived through and witnessed a world of changes, and we must never forget the likes of her which this world won’t ever see again.  Selene Cooper 1st April 2020